Unpredictably, the need for care givers to nourish themselves comes as a complete surprise.  Women in our society discover that taking time out for replenishing their bodies and minds dredges up feelings of guilt. We have been trained to be there for others and taking care of our bodies appears to give the impression of selfishness and self-absorption.  The care giving experience affords us the opportunity to change this perspective, to throw off the shackles of this cultural prison.
Care for the care giver is paramount in our overall responsibility to provide compassionate, effective care for our loved one.  Imagine how your loved one must feel when she/he is aware at some level that you are frustrated, angry and exhausted carrying for her/him.  Although Alzheimer’s Disease makes verbal expressions impossible or very limited, at a deeper level facial expressions and moods are experienced.  The administrator at Green Hills Care Home where my husband George spent the last year of his life gave all of us family members excellent advice.  She said “Before you go through this door to visit your loved one, I want you to put a smile on your face.”  As we who are care givers know, that is sometimes extremely difficult for us. She reminded us of the importance of facial expressions and moods to our loved ones.

How can we set up a program to help ourselves?  What is available in our communities to help us with our physical and emotional needs?  First and foremost is respite care for our loved ones.  Does your community provide a day care program for Alzheimer’s patients?  Are there support groups in your area?  Join one so that you may share your experience with others.  Support groups, in addition to providing emotional support are an excellent source of information on care givers and programs in your area.  Meditation.  In my experience, daily meditation kept me centered and grounded.  If a meditation group is not available to you there are excellent books on this very effective practice.  Physical exercise not only improves one’s overall health but, the emotional effects of increased endorphins in the brain give us a new perspective on life.  Journaling in the form of a diary or writing about one’s feelings can become the catalyst for emotional healing.

John Fox, founder of the Institute for Poetic Medicine, says “Poems can give voice to what is raw and wounded in your life.”
My advice – be creative in discovering care giving outlets for you.  With a healthy you, your loved one will be receiving the very best care.

-Kathleen Ryan